


greetings, grumblr!

by sanvitheartificer



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: 2012 tumblr, Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Gen, Humor, Social Media, Tumblr, alternate universe tumblr cyberbullies stanford pines, however you don't actually have to know anything abt transcendence, or at least an attempt!, or gravity falls for that matter, superwholock is unfortunately a big part of this fic, to follow this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanvitheartificer/pseuds/sanvitheartificer
Summary: ellaenya: sry but I keep thinking abt like 20 yrs from nowellaenya: everyone is gonna b like “where were u the day it happened”ellaenya: “i was at school and we all gathered together and watched the fairies dance through the purple skies”ellaenya: “i called my grandma and we both cried b/c maybe she'll live to fuck a unicorn”ellaenya: and then there's usellaenya:posting memes on grumblrAKA: alternate universe tumblr circa 2012 reacts to the magical apocalypse.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	greetings, grumblr!

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning: I was not actually on tumblr in 2012 and have only a vague understanding of what it was like. I made an attempt, but this is not going to sound exactly like 2012 tumblr. I did, however, spend like five minutes researching 2012 memes, and then I read Haberdasher's Transcendence Chatroom series a few times (https://archiveofourown.org/series/188987 ). I stumbled across it right after I started writing, which tipped the balance towards some semblance of historical accuracy instead of just going “fuck it transcendence happened in 2020” or something. Although, transcendence happening in 2020 would be on brand for 2020. can you imagine the chaos. I'm not sure I want to.  
> For everyone who also wasn't on tumblr in 2012, “GPOY” basically means “same”. It stands for 'gratuitous pictures of yourself'.  
> I made up all the usernames; if one happens to be similar or identical to a real username, it wasn't on purpose!

**abc123:** I'm pretty sure I just saw a living garden gnome. Is this some kind of preternatural publicity stunt?

 **Sammyboyblue:** [Thisistherealdeal.preter.gif] [link]

 **cassdanfan83:** [psyched.preter.gif]

 **Sammyboyblue:** [handwavepreternatural.gif]

 **johnford5eva:** [cass.preter.gif]

 **cassdancer:** [preternatural.gif]

 **abc123:** oh god

 **__yaoiboy__:** [nogodswhereweregoing.preternatural.gif]

 **abc123:** _I never asked for this_

**IAmAntonyObscure:** is anyone else seeing some kind of crazy lightshow outside or did the government drug my orange juice? xP

 **IllBeJuan:** Its called the Northern Lights, dumbass

 **IAmAntonyObscure** **:** I'm from _arizona_ , asshole

**yasduchass:** can't believe pegasii are real now. Now they just have to find my will to live and 5yo me can finally start living the dream

 **MrDuck:** lol u ok

 **yasduchass:** i'm serious check the news

 **MrDuck:** _omg_

**SherryBaby333:** is this fr! who wants to learn magic with me ;3; Hogmoles here we come!!!!

 **professorwut:** [urawizardharry.hc.gif]

 **harrycarebear$8938:** [wand.hc.gif]

 **johnford5EVA:** [gun.sherrinford.gif]

 **ilieklieku:** [along4theride.preternatural.gif]

 **theprofat223b:** gotta add in the Professor Who! X3 [TARDIS.ph.gif]

 **389dansam398:** [profwho.gif]

 **johnford5EVA:** [preternatural.gif]

 **marthaisdabomb:** [professorwho.gif]

 **preterwhoford5ever:** [harrycarter.gif]

 **magicisreal:** [preternatural.gif]

**upupupupupupup:** [doyoulovethecolorofthesky.jpeg]

**MulberrySkullOfficial:** follow this link for breaking updates about how to handle all the new magic happening!!! [link]

 **yasduchass:** _fuck you_

 **migtriss:** wait im on my school computer and it wont let me click wats the link!

 **owlmenunite:** [rickroll.embed]

 **migtriss:** ur an asshole >:( this is srs u cant just make a joke out of it like that!

 **kurtbonesboners:** sorry to burst your bubble honey but this entire site is a joke

 **migtriss:** im going 2 tell all my friends to block u!

 **kurtbonesboners:** lol go ahead

**jjthehunk:** cant wait for the new pw ep on monday!

 **Professormastermind:** have u not heard about the magic thing jj???

 **jjthehunk:** i mean i guess but I dont get why its such a big deal?

 **jjthehunk:** _maria_ is coming back!!!

 **Professormastermind:** lololol amazing

**ducktectiveholmes:** im pretty sure grumblr posted so many preternatural gifs that the world just gave up and went 'ok fine' lmao

 **romeohyeah:** WHO WOULD WIN?

My sanity, logic, science, absolutely everything everyone's ever established about the world | grumblr's hardon for fucking preternatural

 **eagleeye07:** wat's wrong with preternatural!

 **ducktectiveholmes:** no, listen: im _not complaining_

**ellaenya:** sry but I keep thinking abt like 20 yrs from now

 **ellaenya:** everyone is gonna b like “where were u the day it happened”

 **ellaenya:** “i was at school and we all gathered together and watched the fairies dance through the purple skies”

 **ellaenya:** “i called my grandma and we both cried b/c maybe she'll live to fuck a unicorn”

 **ellaenya:** and then there's us

 **ellaenya:** _posting memes on grumblr_

**ellaenya:** sry but I keep thinking abt like 20 yrs from now

 **ellaenya:** everyone is gonna b like “where were u the day it happened”

 **ellaenya:** “i was at school and we all gathered together and watched the fairies dance through the purple skies”

 **ellaenya:** “i called my grandma and we both cried b/c maybe she'll live to fuck a unicorn”

 **ellaenya:** and then there's us

 **ellaenya:** _posting memes on grumblr_

 **yaoisasuke:** wut O.O

 **mittenkisses:** if u have a problem with grumblr maybe u shuld just leave!

 **fooshotfirst:** okay sorry but did you just say “fuck a unicorn”?? Do you even get how rude that is? For all we know unicorns are sentient creatures who aren't even interested in humans!

 **ellaenya:** I can't believe the part of this you have trouble with is the _unicorn's_ sexuality

**lungfoot:** [preternatural.gif]

 **bilbobulwarg:** [preternatural.gif]

 **capscurebffs:** [preter.gif]

 **jimmysgirl:** [preternatural.gif]

 **armolasfan777:** [preter.gif]

 **__rubbertect__:** [blood.preternatural.gif]

 **MorityJames05:** [nogoodvamps.preternatural.gif]

 **cassdancer:** >:o how dare you! [elizabeth.preternatural.gif]

 **cassdancer:** [preternatural.gif]

 **cassdancer:** [preternatural.gif]

 **MorityJames05:** fine lol w/ever [shrug.preternatural.gif]

**thefreshprincessbride:** [werewolf.cnn.jpeg]

is this actually for real

 **whereohwere:** GPOY

 **FrondFriend:** oh my god @whereohwere you can't just confess like that

 **whereohwere:** [margarita.werewolf.phonecam.jpeg]

GOPY

 **FrondFriend:** _jesus christ_

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Hello?

 **xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo:** Good job Grunkle Ford! You can write your whole lecture thingy in the box and when you're done press the post button! xoxo

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Greetings, grumblr!

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** I am an expert in the anomalies and strange creatures which have begun appearing all over the world.

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** I have twelve PhDs and I have traveled extensively, so you may trust that

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Oh, I accidentally pressed post too soon.

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** “Sparkle”, do I need to start again?

 **xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo:** I think maybe I should come help! xox

**xoxoxsherrinfordwatsonxoxox:** OMG wat if they invent teleportation. I cud go see u all irl!! *squees n glomps u*

 **ellaenya:** why am I on this site

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Greetings, Grumblr! I am an expert in the anomalies and strange creatures which have begun appearing all over the world. I have twelve PhDs and have traveled extensively, so you may trust that I am well qualified to inform today's youth of the best methods of coping with the strange new world we all find ourselves within today.

[...read more...]

Though this new world is exciting, nay, fascinating, I implore you to stay indoors and venture outside only for necessities. Magic has already begun dispersing throughout the globe, causing anomalous weather events and natural disasters as well as magical surges and weirdness bubbles. There is no way to predict what changes may occur in any given area, so it is safest to stay within your home! Speak with the family you have left and make amends if you can. Someone you have grown to care for might slip from your fingers well before their time.

In any case, over the next few weeks and months, you can expect to see more supernormal creatures migrating away from Weirdness Pockets or revealing themselves. Many creatures have lived among humans in human-like form for centuries now, although almost all supernormal creatures were incapable of showing their more magical sides outside of isolated Weirdness Pockets prior to the recent Transcendence.

Do not trust these creatures without cause! However, many of these anomalies have existed alongside humans for centuries, so neither is it safe to assume they are all attempting to trick or coerce you. Most supernormal creatures simply wish to live their lives, and are no more or less dangerous than, say, a human bearing a firearm.

I wish you well, Grumblr. Goodbye!

 **~~AmralasQueen~~:** OMG @xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo is this tru???

 **xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo:** Yeah that's my Grunkle Ford! He studies mysteries and stuff like this all the time so u should definitely absolutely listen to him!!! this stuff can be kinda srs bsiness ok??? xoxo

 **MrsHolmes234879:** @xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo is your uncle sherrinford holmes???

 **xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo:** LOL no he doesn't even look like him! XP xox

 **astudyinsexy:** _have u seen SH irl????_

 **xoXOSparkleXyler!XOxo:** one time I met a living wax sculpture of him! But then he got melted so hes not around anymore xoxo

 **Eowhine:** what the fuck

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Language!

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Greetings, Grumblr! I am an expert in the anomalies and strange creatures which have begun appearing all over the world. I have twelve PhDs and have traveled extensively, so you may trust that I am well qualified to inform today's youth of the best methods of coping with the strange new world we all find ourselves within today.

[...read more...]

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** call them preternaturals lol

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** “Preternaturals lol” is completely incorrect terminology. The oddology community accepts the phrases “supernormal creatures”, “anomalies”, and even “magical creatures”, but I have never once heard the locution “preternaturals lol”. I have serious doubts about your expertise in this matter, if you truly believe gazelles go to heaven.

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** lmao r u fr?

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** What language are you speaking? I am fluent in twelve separate tongues; I am certain we can find some kind of mutual intelligibility.

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** [link]

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** I fail to see how this is related to my question. Is this "Rick Astley" video encoded somehow?

**PollyannaSaltine:** This apocalypse has everything. Technologically incompetent “”experts””. Fake footage. Preternatural gifs. Werewolf furry drama

 **neonnyan:** werewolf furry drama??? r u srs

 **PollyannaSaltine:** [link]

**~HowlAtTheCrecentSky~:** Now that everything's out in the open, I can finally be honest with everyone!!! im not a furry. Im actually a werewolf

 **sammykittynyaaaa:** omg ur so brave @~HowlAtTheCrecentSky~! Turn me x3333

 **skullber618:** pics or it didn't happen

**~HowlAtTheCrecentSky~:** STOP ASKING ME 2 TURN U my mom found out about me showing u pics of my true form and now im grounded for the next 5 full moons and she won't even let me go outside anymoar!!!

 **pikaboooo:** hate that there's a .000002% change this is true

 **~HowlAtTheCrecentSky~:** _I”M A WEREWOLF OK FUK U_

 **pikaboooo:** [thatswhattheyallsay.preternatural.gif]

**neuspider:** my cousin's a glowy ball of magical light now lol

**Stanford.Pines.PhD:** Greetings, Grumblr! I am an expert in the anomalies and strange creatures which have begun appearing all over the world. I have twelve PhDs and have traveled extensively, so you may trust that I am well qualified to inform today's youth of the best methods of coping with the strange new world we all find ourselves within today.

[...read more...]

 **ellaenya:** wait a second where the fuck did you get a degree in supernormal studies? could I have been going to college for magic this entire time???

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** That isn't relevant.

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** okay mr fraudhd

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** I am not a fraud!

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** Prove it lol

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** [diplomas.jpeg]

 **ellaenya:** omg

 **ellaenya:** backupsmore???

 **ellaenya:** this just keeps getting better

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** I have twelve PhDs.

 **GazellesGoToHeaven:** [rickroll.embed]

 **Stanford.Pines.PhD:** _That is no more relevant than it was the last time._

**AFullDeck:** All this drama about “oh noooo supernormal creatures are real now!” is basically the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Vamps have been around for literally forever, and now that you know about it you're all like, “they're going to suck my blooood!” but like, humans have been _staking_ vampires for just as long and you don't hear _us_ freaking out. This is basically not any different than it ever was

 **LeiaLunga12:** Oh god Alu do you know what you've unleashed

 **LeiaLunga12:** _STOP DMING ME_ i'm not even supernormal! I have never met @AFullDeck in real life! I _can't_ turn you into a vampire and even if I could I wouldn't!

 **unbelievingking2000:** [soundslikewhatavampwouldsay.preternatural.gif]

 **LeiaLunga12:** FML

**babybabbafan:** WHO WOULD WIN?

The natural order of the entire earth | a town in bumfuck nowhere oregon

 **pizzapoo:** lol

**Author's Note:**

> at first I thought about calling the supernatural expy “supernormal”, but then I realized how incredibly cursed it would be if all preternatural creatures ended up getting called that for hundreds of years because of a homophobic cw show. Also it would've been, like, Sherrinlock, but then I realized that the comparisons to Ford would be hysterical??? so in this universe Superwholock is PreterWhoFord, composed of the shows Preternatural, Professor Who, and Sherrinford. _I'm so sorry_


End file.
